Women are feeling betrayed. The more marginalized the identity, the more that hurt is compounded in the trauma of actually being physically unsafe in a country that votes against the interests of the most vulnerable. White women are of course in cahoots with this, having majority voted for a proclaimed assailant. Internalized misogyny is certainly part of the design that keeps this beast alive.

And when we look deeper, we see that men’s own sense of ongoing betrayal and scorn is what led to the results we have today. What the analysis seems to boil down to is young white men feeling hurt that they have been painted as the villians since perhaps 2016, and while they may not agree with the outright racist and sexist statements of Trump, they could look past that because he was the candidate that didn’t make them feel bad. Should this not be an indication that a subset of the population feel poorly about the state of their group when the one showing them unconditional love and support is degrading others with slurs in the next breath? This of course highlights yet again the importance of critical race theory, so that we can get accustomed to talking about harsh things that make us feel bad without simplifying it into us being bad.

A conversation between me and Rahi Chun, a man of many merits and fellow Sexological Bodyworker and STREAM scar tissue worker. Organic Sexuality is his podcast where sexuality is really re-thought of from the dominant paradigm.

Read the partial transcript here, visit the show notes link for the full transcript plus plethora of resources, and listen in where you stream your podcasts regularly.

This is a public service announcement, so that you might add this to your routine screening, or maybe schedule something now if you have urogenital pelvic pain, endometriosis (these infections can be a catalyst), or unexplained infertility.

Have you ever heard of the ureaplasmas? Or their kin mycoplasma? Terming them "newer" is tongue and cheek. It is how my Primary Care doctor referred to them years back when my partner at the time was presenting with symptoms but testing negative for all other sti's included in a common full panel.

Research revealed these buggers are as old as HIV. They ain't new to doctors, or to us experiencing them. What's new is that now we can know about them.

Good sex is not someone else’s definition of what’s good and what’s sex. When we enter that ecstatic space where our bodies feel like they are all knowing and connected to everything, we are in the good sex zone. We may have insights, get downloads, suddenly become clear on who we are and what the fuck we were made for.

Good sex does not stop at what we are feeling physically in the moment. The implications reverberate throughout the rest of our lives. We become ourselves anew, and folks notice. Our boundaries may get clearer and folks may not like that. We may begin to make choices throughout the day based on pleasure and those bought into capitalism may question our sanity. YOU ARE REMEMBERING WHAT MATTERS, KEEP GOING.

Why might sexual pain be so common? Well, simply put, because birth is so common. No, I have not given birth and if you are reading this and have genital pain, this may not be your root cause either, BUT surgery or anything with the potential to cause scar tissue may still be at the root for you. Did you know that it is possible to create scar tissue from a pattern of receiving penetration when your body is not sufficiently lubricated? I say this to normalize how prevalent scar tissue may be amongst our vulvas.

So what does scar tissue have to do with pain? Well, a lot. Essentially scar tissue forms along the myofascial planes we already have in all of our tissue. In trying to close a wound and heal, it shortens the distance between surrounding tissues and makes everything a bit more constricted and pulled in multiple directions. Scar tissue has it's own blood supply and thus it's own nerve plexus, so scar tissue is capable of creating pain and responding sharpely to being poked or touched, such as if one of our vaginal walls has torn and then the healed scar is encountered during penetration.

And if the sensual and sexual make you cringe or trigger you, guess what, this work can be done clothes on, investigating boundaries and communication, safety and trauma response, self and co-regulation. Somatic Sexology sessions are client led and move at the pace of trust (Emergent Strategy.) Many of us have spent a lifetime building protective armor, and there is no rush in the dismantling. We do this together at a cadence that your body can integrate as it releases limiting story. It never ceases to amaze me that clients poo poo the power of practicing our yesses and no's together and then they inevitably have an expansive revelatory experience with saying those "simple" words back and forth. All the power and history of every time we have been in integrity with those words and when we have not. In sessions we consistently bring awareness, we connect the body with the mind, and these new pathways allow us to have new agency.