What is Good Sex & How Can I Have It?

Good sex means all things pleasurable and it involves everyone having a good time. If it is not flexible, accessible and attentive to the ever changing of the moment, then it ain’t the good sex we could be having.

Good sex includes us as whole beings. It should resonate at the core of who we are. When we are having good sex, we feel truly seen and celebrated as we are. This kind of sex opens us up to wonder, what would make this even better? Because good sex never has us feeling like too much or not enough. With good sex, we get to find that just right sweet spot.

Good sex is not someone else’s definition of what’s good and what’s sex. When we enter that ecstatic space where our bodies feel like they are all knowing and connected to everything, we are in the good sex zone. We may have insights, get downloads, suddenly become clear on who we are and what the fuck we were made for.

Good sex does not stop at what we are feeling physically in the moment. The implications reverberate throughout the rest of our lives. We become ourselves anew, and folks notice. Our boundaries may get clearer and folks may not like that. We may begin to make choices throughout the day based on pleasure and those bought into capitalism may question our sanity. YOU ARE REMEMBERING WHAT MATTERS, KEEP GOING.

There is a reason that this kind of embodied pleasure has been suppressed by the state. Break off the chains, get free, take your friends and family with you. Is working on your sexuality anti-racist work? Anti-ableist? You better believe it is. Developing a new relationship with your body via pleasure is the ultimate way to reshape your neurons. Kick fat shaming to the curb, shred up colorism, obliterate the sexism that lives in your body temple.

When you are in your pleasure and joy, ain’t nobody got time for that nonsense. And as you free yourself from these human made constraints, you will be more in your body and your power to speak on them, act on them and generally surround yourself with others who want to support your liberation and get free too.

Will colonization keep knocking at your door telling you that you need to buy something to be loved? Yep, that is why this is a practice and we keep practicing. We will not get rid of these big societal monsters, and the goal is not be blissed out and ignore them. We will become more awake, aware, connected and curious. We will stare these things in the face and call them for what they are- tools of the oppressor. 

*What Is Good Sex? Investigation deeply inspired by the incomparable Somatic Sexologist Arantxa Joseph (@arantxa.joseph)

**Note that the definition of sex used throughout this site is any act/thought/feeling that brings aroused enjoyment. Solo, with objects, in nature, with other humans, with hands, tongues, genitals, your breath, elbows- please understand me that you make the definition, and it is this expansion that makes it possible to follow your pleasure and try new things that are in alignment with your curiosity and desires. Our journey will unveil what it is you want and need, how to sense that, how to verbalize that, and how to deeply receive without dropping into shame.